Smurf It

A Very Merry (Early) Christmas

2011-11-06T22:51:00.000-05:00

Many ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, myself included, see Christmas through a child's eyes. There's a wonder, a discovery about it that few can appreciate unless they, too, have grown up in an oppressive book-publishing corportation that sucks the life out of the holidays.

I realize its November 6th and Christmas is still a ways off. But I needed Christmas today. This song and the two beautiful people who performed it convey a warmth, some 40+ years later and through Youtube, that modern-day Witnesses can't touch. Its one of my favorite videos. It speaks for itself...

Enjoy!

And if you're just coming out, A very merry (early) Christmas to you!

Shunning

2011-10-13T21:19:00.000-04:00

( Shunning hurts. )

What better reason to come back to the blog?

2011-05-21T08:02:00.002-04:00

Fail.

'Tis the Season

2010-12-03T20:28:00.000-05:00

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house

Not an apostate was stirring, not even a mouse.

The worldly socks were hung by the chimney with care.

In hopes that Satan's alter ego Santa would be there.

The dog was nestled all snug in his bed.

Not knowing Jehovah would hurl meteors from overhead.

And my partner in his snuggie, sitting upon my lap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

Well I'll be godd**med, Armageddon is here!

With all of God's angels, flying hither and to,

I knew in a moment this world was screwed!

Angels from heaven, sent by Jehovah with love,

To bring death and destruction raining down from above!

"Now angels, my angels, go slaughter them all!

The children, the puppies, the old folks in malls!

The women, the kittens, and all those gays too,

For that's what a loving Creator would do!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

I saw a red Hyundai full of nuns tumble by!

And out of the storming and screaming and frights,

Came a hailstorm of flaming meteorites!

They crashed into churches housing homeless asleep,

And into the IKEA at the end of my street.

They burned down the homes and my LA Fitness,

And crushed every last non-Jehovah's Witness.

And just when I thought I had witnessed all Hell,

The earth opened up, and in the rest of it fell.

But then I awoke. It was all but a dream!

The kind of things that make a J-Dubya cream.

I went back to sleep, so soft where I lay.

"Armageddon might come any day!"

At least that's what the Witnesses say...

But I will enjoy my Christmas with cheer.

For today I live without all that fear.

I say to the Witnesses (of love they've lost sight),

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Antique Store Outing

2010-11-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

As mentioned in the previous post, I'm somewhat of a deltiologist. Fancy for "I collect postcards."

Well Jehovah must've been smiling on me because take a gander at what I found in an antique store today:

That's right. A POSTCARD of "Judge" Joseph Franklin Rutherford, 2nd president of the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society, aka the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Now this postcard was not out in the open. It was mixed in with six or seven other postcards, in a baggy, on this twirly metal display rack, in the back of an old antique store in a small town in Georgia. The entire bag was priced pretty cheap so I just snapped it up.

Now, I was so excited about this find that I neglected to really look at the rest of the postcards.

When I got into the car, and looked closer, this is what I found:

Well, I liketa died.

Good news, though. Had I actually died, perhaps I would have come back with other faithful men of old to live in this 10-bedroom mansion in San Diego, aka Beth Sarim. We could have sported around town in our 16-cylinder Cadillac, the wind blowing through our prophetical hair.

Its been speculated by some Witnesses throughout history that things purchased at yard sales, antique stores or other used-item outlets might actually harbor malicious spirits.

I just hope I don't wake up in the middle of the night with the "Judge" standing over me.

Smurfy Realizations

2010-11-03T23:48:00.000-04:00

I just found out I'm a Huntington, West Virginia Deltiologist.

Isn't that just smurfy?

I started collecting in 1999. Obviously this has been something that's interested me for some time now, but actually having a name for it is cool. Its an affordable hobby, too! Fun. Just plain, good, clean, wholesome fun. Isn't it funny what we take for granted? Having the freedom to do simple and enjoyable things means so much more now than it ever did.

There are so many things that become interesting once we begin the journey of recovery from anything negative in our lives. And this little tidbit of new information just makes me feel warm and happy.

Perhaps I should put "deltiologist" after my signature from now on...

Happy Non-Pagan, Friendship/Fellowship Day

2010-11-01T18:01:00.000-04:00

From L to R: "Taze," Sinning-Gehenna-Bound-Apostate, and "Judge Rutherford."
Oh, and that very patient Baptist I call my partner is next to us.

For my birthday, a friend of mine got me not one, but TWO E.T.'s!

These are the first E.T.'s I've owned since that fateful night almost 30 years ago.

And the circle is complete.

I thought of giving them nicknames: Taze and Judge Rutherford. We'll see if it sticks.

(thanks, rance)

Amber Alert

2010-10-16T18:40:00.000-04:00

(are) Kyria and Brenda Lee?

Have they been Tower-napped?

Has the GB of the WBTS of NY and PA hit them over the head with a YPA, My Book of BS or other WT publication and imprisoned them in a pyramid?

Am I,

Could it be....,

in danger of being next?

We need an

underground apostate

railroad!

Maple Bacon Makes God Angry

2010-10-10T20:04:00.000-04:00

I'm on a social networking site for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses.

Below is an email I got from someone, presumably no longer a Witness, who had this to say:

"Hello ****,

Crowds of Jehovah’ s Witnesses around the world are finding freedom. Please forward this message or mail by courier to your fellow Jehovah’s Witnesses.

(Hebrews 10:24,25 ) “ And let us consider one another to incite 
to love and fine works, not forsaking the gathering of 
ourselves together--”. Have you ever remarked that these 
scriptures do not say anything about teaching or instructing? 
That’s because such is the work of God’s Holy Spirit. Each 
person should be led by the Holy Spirit not by man. It’s easy 
to shift this responsibility to an organization that claims to 
fulfill all our spiritual need, but is it without cost? There 
is a high cost to pay when we allow someone else to strip away 
our rights to be curious and to question the status quo. Here 
is a classic example: I vividly recall the brothers encouraging 
the congregation to keep a firm grasp on the promise of 
everlasting life by attending all five meetings a week, these 
meetings were described as the firm grip of five fingers. It 
was explained this way to stress how vital attendance at each 
meeting was. For many, many decades the meeting schedule we all 
complied with was – the five meetings which took place during 
three days of every week. How often a church or congregation 
meets for worship whether once a week or more is of man’s 
design but not a mandate from Jehovah/Yah. Now attendance is 
required two days a week for four meetings but not a question 
is raised neither is one allowed. All in attendance simply 
look forward to the next time the number of meetings are 
decreased and they anticipate the next reduction of pioneer 
hours (ministry hours) to shout for joy. The Israelites came 
together on the Sabbath to hear the reading of the Law. 
However, originally the weekly Sabbath day was observed inside 
of the private home. ( Exodus 16: 29) “ Keep sitting each one 
in his own place. Let nobody go out from his locality on the 
seventh day ”. Each of us have a complete copy of the Bible in 
our home, thereby our spiritual need can be met with the 
guidance of God’s Holy Spirit. It’s time we act responsibly and 
have our freedom back.

I used to believe that great organization skills, the name Jehovah and God’s kingdom were unique of this one true religion until I did my own research. For a long time I was a contented full time pioneer in this organization but at the same time I was in a desperate situation because of poor health. It was by avoiding certain foods as I described in my letters I experienced what is spoken of at ( 1Corinthians 3:16). “ Do you not know that you people are God’s temple, and that the spirit of God dwells in you?” God is holy, he requires a clean temple to dwell in. This scripture applies to everybody not just a governing body or circuit overseers. By the way, the governing body and the circuit overseers eat and condone the eating of pork and everything else that are scavengers. These creatures are inherently unclean, unclean is not just a label in the old testament. The light of God’s Holy Spirit set me free from following men and guided me to the truth in the word of God. I am not a member of any particular clan, it is love that motivates me to furnish this explanation. Through various biblical teaching methodologies multitudes have already discontinued attending meetings at the Kingdom Hall. Please do not shut me out because I am speaking truth.

Agape,

M***** P****

P.S. for a simple, never heard before explanation about Babylon 
the great, just contact me."

First of all, "by courier?" Is this 1937?

Second of all, I suppose recovery takes all forms. I can respect that. Below is my response:

"Hello M*****,
I hope that your recovery from the Witnesses is progressing nicely. It sounds like you're open to exploring different things and for that I applaud you. In my humble opionion, anyone who makes it out of a cult like that is fortunate as long as they continue growing and avoid getting caught up in other cult-like groups or mental manipulation. Have you read "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan?
Its an excellent read. There are so many great books out there that deal with exiting from the Witnesses. As they say, "the
world is your oyster now," although it sounds like you may
have some issues of personal conscience consuming said oyster.
Speaking of, I wouldn't shut you out for your speaking YOUR truth. Kudos. But it sounds like your truth is different
than mine, and that's okay too. I personally enjoy frying up a
bunch of maple flavored bacon on Sunday mornings (although it does make the house smell like a maple syrup bottle for about a week). Bacon-wrapped dates, stuffed pork chops, shrimp anything-- well, you get the picture-- it all tastes so amazingly good and I'm thankful to whatever God, divine consciousness or spark of evolutionary coincidence that
brought it all here.
All kidding aside, I hope you find whatever it is you're
meant to find on this wonderful journey called life. Stay open,
stay free and enjoy this beautiful day free from the oppression
of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.
Wishing you truth, love, and bacony-goodness—"
Lastly, Babylon The Great, unless it can be summed up concisely in the same space used to publish a Tweet, interests me about as much as the inner workings of a maple bacon processing plant.

AGAPE.

Happy Jehovah-versary, Apostate.

2010-09-28T22:25:00.000-04:00

I'm approaching my one year anniversary of starting this rambling blog.

This past year has brought some wonderful recovery into my life, not the least of which has been a delightful journey into the world of apostasy. That sounds dreadfully worse than it actually is, at least in the eyes/ears of a devout Witness of Jehovah singing praises in the Hall of Kingdoms about millions of people dying at Armageddon, up to and including innocent children whose only crime was being born to a "worldly" person who preferred to go back to his/her DVR marathon of "Dancing With the Stars" rather than listen to the Witness on their doorstep talk about, well, anyway you get the idea. I mean, my to-do list has things like "buy groceries, clean the kitchen, call someone" on it. To hear it from a Witness, an apostate's to-do list goes something like this: "buy heroin, burn down an orphanage, call Satan and wish him a happy birthday while saluting the flag, cursing God and dancing naked on a ouija board."

Of course, any good apostate has to have things to keep him or her entertained and on the road to recovery.

I've started preaching my own good news of the kingdom on places like Yahoo Answers where I share insightful glimpses into the Witness perspective on ever-brightening (changing) lighting and what to buy for that special Witness in your life who shares cubicle space with you at work when the holidays roll around.

I've attended a convention and blogged about it, albeit for a brief amount of time; read books on recovery from cults; corresponded with people who are leading the charge out of the Witness prison; cried, yes cried some, when Raymond Franz passed away earlier this year (honestly, it was like losing a beloved uncle); joined forums; researched the true history of the Jehovah's Witnesses; visited other churches (jury's still out on that...); bought a lot of Smurf stuff at Target-- the list could continue.

But most importantly, I fired Jehovah, the god of wrath who devours blind obedience and fear from his followers the way that fat kid drank out of the river in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

I'd like to think that I sat in a darkened boardroom and brought in a panel of gods. I would sit in a tall, leatherback chair with my fabulous silk tie and tailored suit, gold cufflinks and sexy combover. And while Vishnu, Poseidon, Ganesha, Allah, Buddha and an atheist fought it out, throwing each other under the bus as it were (I hate that saying by the way. I've changed "throwing someone under the bus" into "hitting them in the head with a waffle iron" because it just sounds better. So don't ever say "You threw me under the bus, Sinner." I prefer "You hit me in the head with a waffle iron, Apostate."), I'd put an end to it all, look at Jehovah and say "Ya fi-uhed."

It didn't quite go down like that, though. It was more gradual. That mean old geezer in the sky was replaced by something that to this day I don't understand but that I know is much more than could ever fit in the tiny little box the crazy Witnesses have constructed for it/him/us to live in for eternity.

"You see, you're fine just as you are. It isn't up to us to judge you."

Is God that grandfatherly figure in the sky? A formless blob of love? Universal consciousness? Or simply nothing at all?

I DON'T KNOW. And I'm okay with that today. And I refuse to believe that the Witnesses have figured it all out. If it were that easy to figure out, all meaning would probably disappear from life anyway. Being a mischievous little imp-like thorn in the side of established religion, especially the Jehovah's Witnesses, has given me more meaning and purpose than all the years tallying up the number of hours I knocked on people's doors while a member of the Borg anyway.

Write a book? I probably never will.

Lead a march on the Brooklyn headquarters? No, not likely.

Moderate a forum? Someone has to do it, but that person's not me.

I'm where I wanted to be when this recovery process began: I'm simply okay just being me. The day I open up the front door and there stands a Witness who says, "You're okay just being you" then perhaps I'll reconsider hiring back Jehovah. Because if that ever happens, I'll know his recovery from the Witnesses has finally caught up to mine.

Jehovah-shmehovah

2010-09-14T21:03:00.000-04:00

Jehovah Jehovah
Bo Behovah
Banana-fanna, fo-vehovah
Fe-Fi-Mo-Mehovah.

Jehovah!

_______________________________________________________

Witness Witness
Bo Bitness
Banana-fanna, fo-vitness
Fe-Fi-Mo-Mitness

Witness!

______________________________________________________

Armageddon Armageddon
Bo Barmageddon
Banana-fanna, fo-varmageddon
Fe-Fi-Mo-Marmageddon

Armageddon!

______________________________________________________

Faithful and discreet slave Faithful and discreet slave
Bo baithful and biscreet bave
Banana-fanna, fo-vaithful and viscreet vave
Fe-Fi-Mo-Maithful and miscreet mave

Faithful and Discreet Slave!

_____________________________________________________

Watchtower Watchtower
Bo botched-tower
Banana-fanna, fo-vatchtower
Fe-Fi-Mo-Matchtower

Watchtower!

_____________________________________________________

Bad Associations Spoil Useful Habits Bad Associations Spoil Useful Habits
Bo b-bad bassociations boil buseful babits
Banana-fanna, fo-vad vassociations voil vuseful vabits
Fe-Fi-Mo-Mad massociations moil museful mabits

Bad Associations Spoil Useful Habits!

_____________________________________________________

Jesus died on a stake and not on a cross as Christendom likes to believe Jesus died on a stake and not on a cross as christendom likes to believe
Bo besus bied on a bake and not on a bross as bristendom bikes to b-believe
Banana-fanna, fo vesus vied on a vake and not on a vross as vristendom vikes to velieve
Fe-Fi-Fo-Mesus mied on a make and not on a mross as mristendom mikes to melieve

Jesus dies on a stake and not on a cross as Christendom likes to believe!

HOTLanta

2010-08-08T17:55:00.000-04:00

Which one of these cities has Jehovah lovingly prepared for a fiery apocalypse?

Atlanta, Georgia

Cairo, Egypt

Miami, Florida

Over the last few weeks, its been consistently cooler in both Cairo, Egypt and Miami, Florida than it has been in Atlanta, Georgia.

This has nothing to do with Jehovah or messages from said deity. But if it did, I'd imagine the message to be "Leave Atlanta."

2010 Convention: Remain Subservient To A Book Publishing Corporation!

2010-07-25T20:27:00.000-04:00

This was the theme of the 2010 DC of J-Dubs.

We went. We survived. We will never return!

Oy. Where do I begin? For starters, read the previous post here. It will give you a general idea of the reasoning behind going, who went, and what I expected to get out of it.

Preparing and Getting There...

I printed the songs that would be sung during the Sunday afternoon program so we could take part. I took my "New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures" and my "Neue-Welt-Übersetzung der Heiligen Schrift" (I went through a German phase as a young publisher. Different story), name badges and copies of the cover of the WT in the aforementioned blog as well as a copy of this to be distributed in the john:

This requires a lot of higher thinking skills on the part of a Witness, the kind that could only be captivated in the bathroom. Hence their convenient placement.

First of all, it was about 5 million degrees today. This is July in Georgia, after all. And not to be gross, but I sweat. I get warm if its a cool Fall day. During the Winter, I open my bedroom window to stay cool. There was no way in Gehenna I was going to don a suit for this thing. And we'll get to this in a second, but why do brothers have to wear suits in the middle of summer, but hoochie-mama attire for the sisters has become acceptable? I would think Jehovah wouldn't want me sweating all over the place and subsequently stumble someone physically, spiritually or otherwise. At the very least he'd want me to be a comfortable Apostate. So I did wear a nice button down shirt and dress pants. My partner isn't afflicted with overactive sweat glands so he felt just fine (for a time) in a suit.

So here's the deal. We each had a part to play. He was better dressed so he played the part of the spiritually strong brother lugging along this curious, but not theocratically-attired new study. Not knowing what congregation to put, I just put down we were visitors from different areas. He was Brent, I was Jeff. These names came from a list of "actors" I found on Wikipedia.

I walked in while my patient companion parked the car. Keep in mind this is the afternoon session of the final day of the convention. I expected it to be crowded, but gee whiz! What a circus. Everyone was enjoying what few precious moments of time they could get before we all went in to watch the drama! Our original plan was to watch the drama and listen to the talk on why the GB of the JDubs is a good substitute for God Almighty and why their changing doctrines are not to be questioned. We walked around for a while trying to find seating...

Seating...

Although the arena was about 50-75% empty of actual humans during the lunch break, most seats were taken. In fact, we had an incredibly difficult time finding a seat. Seat-saving was in full force, with bags, bibles, magazines and programs clearly denoting people's seats. Out of all the attendants in each section, only two, TWO out of the entire upper arena, were really willing to help find us a seat, and then only if we sat separately amid rows of disgruntled JDubs casting disapproving glances our way that they should be so inconvenienced as to have to move a bag! They seemed to take one look at me, without my tie and jacket and "Vistitor" clearly marked on the name badge, and thought "You're late. Now you pay the price. Oh, and Jehovah's going to kill you. Have a nice day." I sure as scheissen wasn't going to sit SEPARATELY. Building a paradise after the slaughter of billions of people is child's play in the Jehovah's Witness handbook-- but try getting them to provide two seats next to each other in an arena that seats 13,000 people! Its impossible.

Gosh! You'd think visitors from other states, especially newly interested visitors, would get more Christianly treatment.

And did I mention the crowd? To be honest, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between this crowd and a tractor-pull convention. Except that some of these people were dressed nicer. Some. Honestly, some of the sisters were dressed like tramps. Sorry. No words could describe it any better. Wanna dress in skimpy clothes? Fine. Frankly I could care less. But JDubs are supposed to be "different." And I refuse to believe that any of these folks are better than me simply because of their so-called modesty. It wasn't modest. I saw wardrobe malfunctions waiting to happen every time I turned around. Lace-up do-me pumps, tight skirts and ample bosoms about to explode from their stretched-to-the-limit hooker blouses. And I'M the one who got disapproving looks because I didn't have a piece of fabric choking the life out of me while suffocating in a jacket. The kids were running around, many unattended, and clearly disregarding the fact I'm their elder while simultaneously shoving me out of the way to get to their pre-ordained, bible-saved seat. Edit: In hindsight, I don't really blame the kids. How liberating it must be for them to get up and run around after sitting for hours on end at these boring things. And who knows what kinds of beatings they'd have gotten for being late to their seats! In fact, the more I think about, the more my heart just cries out for these kids who have no choice in the matter. I hope they can find the strength and fortitude to get through it sanely until the day comes when they, too, can be liberated from the Jehovah's Witness prison.

And the manners in general...As far as I can remember, the last time I was shoved this much in a crowd was after seeing "Miss Saigon" and walking out of the theater onto Times Square in New York 11 years ago. All in all, I'd say a tractor-pull would have been a step up and a heck of a lot less boring.

So we eventually gave up and sat outside the arena in the lobby area watching the drama unfold on closed-circuit televisions with other unlucky folks who couldn't find seating. And then the security stalking began...

Security!...Peace and Security!

There was Secret Service security detail with "Attendant" badges and mics/headphones--EVERYWHERE. It was very "big brother" and very surreal. Where were the mics and headphones when I was a Dub? A couple of them kept what felt like a looming close eye on us during the entire time we watched the drama on t.v. A couple more stalked back and forth like tigers getting ready to pounce on prey. Of course, they thought they were being sly about it. It unnerved my partner to no end. It made me slightly less uncomfortable, but my attitude was "Screw them. I've paid MY price to be here!" And if they wanted us to be more contained, perhaps they should've worked harder at finding us a seat!

Are we there yet?

After countless time searching for a seat unsuccessfully, half-heartedly singing one song and then listening to an indoctrination session (Drama) we were done. My partner was never so relieved as when I said "let's just go." Maybe it was Jehovah putting that thought in my heart so my apostate-ness wouldn't taint the sacred realm of the JDub insanity. Maybe.

Maybe it was the drama. It was just utterly ridiculous. Being on this side of it now, I can clearly hear all the cult-like psychological language spewing forth. It was disheartening to some extent because I still have family who are stuck in this mire. And I felt just awful for the kids. My partner did, too. He likened subjecting children to this with child abuse. I can't say I disagree one iota.

We dropped my "apostate" literature in the bathrooms, on the sinks and sticking out of toilet seat cover dispensers, and then made our way to the exit where, if there is a God, He was waiting patiently for us on the other side. You see, God doesn't come where He isn't invited, and He sure as hell ain't gonna stay where He isn't welcome!

Sometime between the beginning of the drama and our none-too-quick exit, attendants had been posted at the exits sitting in chairs. One attendant for each set of doors, facing inward. So we got the full-on stare as we walked toward the exits, quite obviously the only people brave enough to leave EARLY (Jehovah forbid!) and before the rousing 25 minute closing prayer. Between the glaring brothers and us was also a long line of meter high contribution boxes accompanied by smiling sisters. Everyone was evidently ready for the mass exit after the closing prayer. Drop your dollar for Jesus before you go, and if you leave early, endure the stares of disapproving Christians whose fate doesn't include falling into a chasm in the earth with a car on the day of Armageddon.

On a high note, we took a couple pictures. During the drama I pulled out a couple good books to pass the time... BTW, I'm blurred because I still have family in the cult. And this tiny little blog means I'm an APOSTATE whose family will never speak to him again if they read it and figure out its me.

"Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman's Courageous
Flight From the Grip of a Religious Cult"
by Brenda Lee

"I'm Perfect, You're Doomed:
Tales From a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing"
by Kyria Abrahams

I just want to take a second to acknowledge these two authors, for they have contributed to my recovery from the Jehovah's Witnesses in very positive ways.

The convention badge IS NOT part of the book! I just enjoy irony. These are must-reads! The fact I could whip them out during the convention just made it that much more sweet.

Part of the idea for this little venture came from Brenda Lee, author of "Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman's Courageous Flight From the Grip of a Religious Cult." You can read about her adventure here. Select the article, "Attending the Spiritual Famine."

The authors of these two books have been instrumental in my recovery, and I thank them for that! For anyone leaving or thinking of leaving the Organization, take some time to read their stories.

Brenda's book is available in limited, autographed supplies here:

http://www.outofthecocoon.net

Kyria has autographed copies of her book available here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/kyrialydia

So What Did We Learn?

1) My partner understands and appreciates a little more what I lived with for 16 years before getting up the courage and gumption to leave the Witnesses. And it took less than an hour for him to see right through all their monkey business.

2) This step was instrumental in my recovery. For anyone willing to take such a huge step in their own recovery, all I can say is you have nothing to be afraid of at all. Get well, recover, and then if you're up to it, see what it sounds like from the perspective of true sanity and reasoning. And much like Rose from "Titanic" when she drops the necklace in the ocean as a final farewell, I could have gone back to my room and DIED. Of boredom.

3) We left when we wanted. Which was none too soon. FREEDOM!!

4) See #2.

5 and 6) The song and drama were not just as good as expected, they were worse. Like a fine vinegar, what the JDubs are peddling has only gotten smellier and worse with age.

And that, my friends, is the Good News indeed.

Armageddon ready to go to the DC!

2010-07-18T22:40:00.000-04:00

I am attending at least one day (or partial day) of the 2010 DC of Jehovah's Witnesses entitled "Remain Close to Jehovah!" or as I like to think of it, "Remain subservient to a book publishing corporation!"

One might as well worship a Barnes & Noble.

This should be good clean fun. I'm certainly not the first boogey-man-apostate to do this and certainly won't be the last. There are different reasons for my wanting to go. In no particular order, they are:

1) I'm taking my partner of 5 years with me. He's heard all about the Witnesses and this will be a good opportunity for him to get a taste of what it was like for me, especially since I've had the pleasure of attending different church services with him that were reminiscent of his childhood. Call it payback, er, sorry, "compromise and mutual understanding."

2) I think this will be a good step in my recovery-- like that scene in "Titanic" where old Rose goes back to where the ship went down and drops the necklace in the ocean-- only I won't be a 100 year old woman or have a necklace. Just apostate literature.*

3) There's freedom in knowing I can go when I want and leave when I want-- with the spouse of my choosing.

4) Seeing it from this new perspective, the one I've gained not just from being out since 1993 but the one I've been privileged to gain as a result of intensive research and recovery over the last year, may be the final nail in the coffin.

5) Where else can you sing feel good lyrics like "Though thousands will be falling along your very side..." describing the slaughter of men, women and children who aren't Jehovah's Witnesses at Armageddon? This, incidentally, is scheduled to be sung immediately following the:

6) DRAMA! Hooray for shows featuring modern-day Witnesses lip-synching to a tape while dressed as bible people.

and

7) I just haven't had my fill of Hezekiah this year. Hopefully this will do it.

*While there, I may have to leave some insightful literature of my own. Well actually I can't claim it. No, the following is a product of the J-Dubs themselves:

This is actually "old light" according to the modern day beliefs of the Witnesses (see my blog entry pertaining to old and new light). Not that 1984 was so prehistoric or unlit, but that's the way it goes. Seems that 1914 is the generation that will pass away after all. Too bad for them.

The Governing Body, A Dead Man, and A Book by Kyria Abrahams

2010-06-27T14:58:00.000-04:00

Well, one member of the Governing Body recently died.

Theodore Jaracz.

I cried so hard into my pillow that night that I scared my demon-possessed pet smurf who now refuses to leave my medicine cabinet. Not even to read a fabulous book that I just finished called:

This is a must-read for any recovering Jehovah's Witness. Why? Well because humor is vital in the process of recovery. And although Kyria's story is peppered with some painful life experiences that many of us had to walk through as a result of being held captive in this circus of a religion during our formative years, her humor is ultimately healing and (dare I say it?) transformative in its own right.

Buy the book! If you buy it off of Etsy, the author will send you an autographed copy!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/kyrialydia

Wake UP!

2010-06-18T01:08:00.001-04:00

Guess who's waking up from a nap.

Smurfy.

Done?

2010-01-19T13:06:00.000-05:00

This blog has accomplished its purpose. There may be additional postings, but for now I'm signing off.

नमस्ते

Apostate-schamostate

2010-01-01T19:41:00.000-05:00

What does being an "apostate" have to do with ANYTHING?

New Light, Old Light, Dim Light, Bold Light

2009-12-17T13:56:00.000-05:00

"New Light" From the Witness Perspective:

"Well, there's new light, always being disclosed. Old light was merely lighting things that were wrong and we know they were wrong now because we have new light. You see, new light illuminates the things that are correct.... at least until new-new light comes along, in which case the old light is REALLY wrong and the old-new light is only wrong because we made a mistake. But other than that, our views have remained the same. Now, I wasn't around when the old light or old-new light came to light and was disproven by new-new light that keeps getting brighter, but I still know for a fact that the current truth is true truth and not old, unlit, old-light truth which is no longer true. We're human, and humans make mistakes, but God doesn't, so when we're given new light its God but new light that becomes old is human error."

I hope this clears things up a bit.

All I Want for Christmas

2009-12-08T16:48:00.000-05:00

One of the best gifts I can imagine getting for Christmas is a phone call from each of my JW family members and hearing them say "I'm out. I'm free. I left the witnesses."

Wouldn't that be a joyous day? We could all meet up, go to dinner, and have ourselves a good laugh over the absurdity of those ridiculous teachings. We'd finally share a touching family moment completely outside of the grip of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.

Perhaps we could share laughter over our secret, personal plans for the new system. Which pets did we plan to have? Hummingbirds? Hippos? What kind of house had we planned in our minds? How many children would we have? Which biblical character did we want to meet first? Whose demise at Armageddon would we have savored the most?

We could bond over having come through something we all experienced, much in the same way that disaster victims bond in the process of healing.

We could gather up all the old Watchtower and Awake! mags and roast marshmallows over their burning remains.

We could exchange Christmas gifts. Birthdays would be special. Mom could start planning her retirement. Maybe she'd smile again.

My niece wouldn't grow up with an irrational fear of demons, Satan, holidays, classmates, anthems, churches, money, college, cars, boys, girls, "worldly" people, youtube, and so on... She'd be free to choose her own conception of God or choose not to believe in any god. She'd be free.

Really the list could continue. This is one of those fantasies I entertain on occasion just because I can. Its similar to the "if I won the lottery" fantasy I indulge in from time to time. Statistically there's probably a better chance of winning the lottery.

And this religion that supposedly brings so much joy to their lives? Its sucked some of the life from them. I can hear it in their voices occasionally, an impression that they're just getting by in a world run by an invisible, evil, mean-spirited beast whose sole job is to make their lives as miserable as possible. Do they wake up in the morning and think "Today could be the day! Armageddon is coming!" Do they go to bed at night saying "Well, maybe tomorrow will be the day"?

All the wishing in the world will not release them from the Jehovah's Witness prison. I can only accept them, love them, and hope for the day when the lightbulb may go on in their minds and they pick up the phone to say "I have some wonderful news for you..."

That would be the good news of the kingdom.

In the New System, Lions play with beach balls!

2009-12-01T13:49:00.000-05:00

Did you know that lions actually enjoy playing with beach balls? At least in the New System they will.

I don't know about you, but I'd not give a lion a beach ball in the new system. First of all, plastics will be hard to come by since armageddon will have destroyed all the plastics factories. The very fact that this beach ball survived the great tribulation is a miracle. I'd only get it out on special occasions.

Now what kind of games can we play with lions? Will they really be vegetarians? If so, wouldn't they attack the table full of fruit? Seems to me a vegetarian lion would be standing on the table of fruit, hogging it all, rather than waiting patiently for someone to play volleyball with it down on the beach.

And just who invited the fox/badger hybrid to the picnic? Are fox-badgers going to frequently crash picnics? Isn't a beach ball-wielding lion enough company? Can we eat the fox-badger? Will it taste like chicken-goats?

Arm-a-geddon outta here!

2009-11-30T12:22:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving was wonderful. I spent it at the beach.

Quiet. Calm. Serene. The way holidays should be.

Being at the beach is restorative for the soul.

Its being on the beach, just before the sun rises, that I feel so at peace-- at peace with myself, with the world around me, even with an organization that stripped that peace from me at an early age and replaced it with an irrational fear of the great day of judgement. Children, in my humble opinion, are naturally peaceful beings. JW children, on the other hand, are naturally scared of demons, a wrathful God, and of fire raining down from the sky to destroy them.

I have much to be thankful for today. I have my health, my needs are met, and I have family and friends.

I had the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving around some "normal" people. "Normal," as I refer to it here, means not JW-oriented. These are folks who can truly wear the world as a loose garment. They can be in it, a part of it, and happily removed from it when need be.

My JW past still haunts me to some degree today. I'm recovering and moving along somewhere between the world of the recovered and the world of the annoyed. I watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on television, saw the children smiling, and yet the thought of an angry God just destroying them on the spot still snuck up on me. Then, just as quickly, I dismissed it as rubbish and continued watching.

We recovering, former Jehovah's Witnesses are a unique lot. I don't question so much why it took so long to get out of that repressive, terrible religion-- a religion that worships a book publishing company. Rather, I question how to move forward, ever forward.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to watch a parade, sing a Christmas song, or do something "worldly" without the irrational fears of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society creeping up on me.

But today, just today, I have a fighting chance of having the life I've always wanted. A life free of the guilt and oppression from a cult that preys on the young, the innocent, and the gullible.

And for that, I am truly thankful.

Happy Turkey Day-- The Only Recipe I'm Posting

2009-11-23T08:19:00.000-05:00

So everyone has their own holiday recipes.... I was going to post a few of my faves, but in an effort to simplify (code for I'm just too darn lazy to post too many and besides who will actually use them all) I'm only posting one.

This is my great-grandmother's recipe. There are variations of it out on the interwebs, but this is my favorite. One of the few holiday memories I have. I only make it at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Funny thing is, it was one of those foods that was crammed way back in my JW childhood memory banks. We would often go visit grandma during the holiday season, and even though she couldn't give us presents and we couldn't sing holiday songs and "Jesus did not die on a cross and what in the world did we have to be thankful for anyway because its a wicked world," I remember eating this as leftovers after all my sinning, non-JW family members had first dibs, and it was still absolutely delish.

Is it a dessert? Is it a side item to compliment the turkey? Who knows. But its FANTASTIC.

Enjoy.

Grandma Annie's Cranberry Salad

This makes A LOT!

Combine the following in a large bowl then set aside in the fridge:

1 lb. cranberries (1 bag) chopped in chopper (they chop better if you freeze them first)
4-5 stalks of celery, chopped
1 can crushed pineapple, with juice
1 c. sugar
1 c. walnuts, chopped

Meanwhile, while the above is set aside:

Add 3 cups of HOT water to two small (or one large) boxes of raspberry jell-o. Mix until gelatin is dissolved. Place in fridge.

When jell-o is thicker than water, but not quite set, add the cranberry mixture and mix well. The tricky part is keeping an eye on the jell-o so that it doesn't set completely before adding the other ingredients.

Let entire mixture set. Serve chilled.

Enjoy!

Happy Holidays!

Christmas

2009-11-08T00:08:00.000-05:00

Christmas decorations are out.

I realize its in large part because of the economy and stores want to get their merchandise out asap.

But it is simply marvelous to me. I needed some Christmas today!

Boring, boring, boring

2009-11-04T11:58:00.000-05:00

Three words that describe meetings.

My brain had to have checked out for the duration of the meeting, awakened only by the beginning of the Kingdom Melodies tape clanging in my ears, signaling the end of yet another mind-numbing indoctrination session and, quite possibly, another day without the big "A" raining down upon me.

For the times when I did try to stay awake and coherent, there were things I could do to occupy my time:

Count the number of letters in the scripture above the lectern and come up with a pattern for them set to a kingdom melody.
Count the holes in the ceiling tiles.
Go pee.
Make up new lyrics to the kingdom melodies ("To whom do we belong? We be-long to King Kong...")
Stare at the old people in the kingdom hall and imagine what they'd look like growing younger in the new system.
Design my house, post-Armageddon.
Try to figure out where, if it were in the NWT, the word "homosexual" would go in the index and which two words had the "misfortune" of bracketing it.

Once, we had an annointed sister in our congregation. This was in the 80s, and she had to have been older than dirt even then, and sadly her mind was gone. She'd raise her hand to comment and we never knew if what she said would be gems of wisdom or something completely inappropriate. Many times she'd simply be tattling on what some youngster was doing wrong. Her hand goes up, everyone draws a tentative breath, she gets called on, and the heaven-bound says: "This kid over here has his finger up his nose, and this one's playing with his shoe." That was our "new light" for the day. But sadly, that's as exciting as it got, unless of course someone had been d/f or disassociated. Why didn't the elders give us all the juicy details? That might have filled some seats on Thursday night.

And the WT discussion? Oh. My. Sweet. Heavenly. Hay-Seuss. I could never figure out why a study that took me approx. 5-10 minutes to prepare for took a solid hour of discussion (well, actually, we know its purpose is to keep pounding JW doctrine into submissive minds).

And what exactly was the point of the Theocratic Ministry School aside from embarrassing the participants with critiques, FROM THE PODIUM, in front of the entire congregation? Oh I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to tilt to one side in my seat and let one rip right in the middle of it.

And is air conditioning against the bylaws of the elder manual? Plug in an oscillating fan.

Of course, the best thing about the meeting was LEAVING! Getting out was an obstacle course. Too many people to talk to... "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jehovah, Watchtower, Armageddon. Okay great. Have a great day. See you in F/S."

Really makes me appreciate Tuesday evenings, Thursday evenings, Saturday mornings, Saturday afternoons, Sunday mornings and Sunday afternoons a whole lot more now.

Hooray for Thanksgiving!

2009-11-02T08:15:00.001-05:00

As far as I'm concerned, the entire month of November is Thanksgiving.

JW Recovery

2009-10-30T09:47:00.000-04:00

Birthday came and went.

The well-wishes from friends and family were really sweet. I got A TON of coffee (they know me well) and went to a lovely dinner. If you've never had a bacon-wrapped date (of the food variety, not as in my date the person) then you are missing out.

Now I'm gearing up for Halloween, the ultimate Aposta-fest. Hooray!

There's an excellent website I'd recommend for anyone coming out of the WBTS:

If you haven't registered yet, you might want to check it out.

Having faded (disappeared is more apt) from the WBTS 16 years ago, I can tell you there's been some baggage I've carried to this day. Its kind of like after eating at a buffet that isn't good for you-- you feel bloated and gassy afterwards, and there may be some stray bits of food between your teeth that you need get rid of. Think of JW Recovery as a giant antacid tablet followed by a good mouth scrubbing, floss, gargle and rinse.

Happy Birthday

2009-10-27T13:08:00.001-04:00

My birthday is coming very soon. And unlike Armageddon, it really is just right around the corner.

33.

It doesn't bother me. In fact, I'm feeling kind of indifferent about the whole thing. Its not like 33 was a bad year for Jesus, no?

The fact is I just don't get into birthdays too much. If my friends forget, if it slips by without phone calls from family, no biggie. I savor the surprise cards that come in the mail for no reason, the impromptu phone conversations that end up being the best.

What I was told growing up is that every time someone celebrated a birthday in the bible, someone died, usually gruesomely. Usually something that involved an axe and a silver tray.

Birthdays and holidays, especially at school, were a minor annoyance growing up. Yeah, I wanted to do the things everyone else did. But I tried not to dwell on it for long because wanting it badly was the same as getting/doing it in the eyes of Jehovah-- or so I was told. And of course that meant falling out of favor. No, it tended to be the awkward situations that surrounded my having to avoid holidays that I remember. I was like the Larry David of every school I went to. I just made people uncomfortable.

I blame penny-loafers. At least in part. Those stupid shoes eliminated the chance to have friends at school more times than I could count. Mom tended to dress me up on days that were "worldly" or on other occasions that would single me out more than was already possible for a JW kid.

So for my kindergarten Cinco de Mayo celebration, we had a pinata, which, of course, I was not allowed to take a whack at. I could, according to the rules my mom made up under guidance from the WBTS, stand on the outside of the circle of children. And on the off-chance that a stray piece of candy happened to escape the circle and fly by me, I could get it. So there I was, slip-sliding all over the classroom in my penny-loafers diving after the occasional piece of bubble gum. Jehovah was cool with that-- just don't hit the pinata. This memory comes back every time I walk into a Party City and look up.

I remember when mom said it was okay that I went to a pep rally at school. For her, this was major progress. Pep rallies had traditionally been taboo. So when she gave the green light, I was there. It was like the kindergarten pinata incident. Our mascot was the Big Red Elephant. So the cheerleaders would throw packs of Big Red gum into the bleachers. It makes more sense than some of the stuff I heard growing up. I was not allowed to catch that gum.

I appreciate holidays now for what they are-- a chance to connect with others. And in an odd sort of way, I can be just as comfortable with those who might forget my birthday as I am with some JW family who choose to ignore it ever happened.

By this age I was supposed to have a family in the New System. Maybe some chickens, a garden, an elephant or two (of the red variety, perhaps).
Can we have a pinata?

My birthday is just as much my mother's as it is mine. I wonder if I can have flowers delivered to the Hall of Kingdoms.

Happy Birthday, mom. And if you're reading this, try not to lose your head.

Halloween cometh...

2009-10-26T14:17:00.000-04:00

Do you remember the first time you celebrated Halloween?

I do.

I was in college and dressed up as a wishing troll. It was huge fun. That one night almost made up for all the previous Halloweens missed.

Halloween was one of my favorite holidays growing up as a JW. Of course nobody knew that. I couldn't admit that. Good JW children don't celebrate Satan. But there I was.

Our family sometimes went over to other Witness houses on that dreadful night. Or if we stayed at home, we'd black out all the windows, turn off all the lights, and hide in the darkness of the living room watching the "Anne of Green Gables" marathon on PBS. Each time someone knocked on the door wanting candy, we could almost feel Satan and his demons on the doorstep. Very scary stuff.

Not one to shy away from a challenge, though, I would sometimes sneak off and try to give sweets to the few brave children who approached our darkened abode. Ever try to dispense loose chocolate chip cookie mix through a mail slot? Dad also had a ready supply of Certs in the bookbag he took to the Hall, so those went out the mail slot, too.

Part of me expected to see my classmates possessed by demons the next day at school. Or perhaps their mouths would be lacerated with all the razors they unwittingly bit into, hidden by some sociopath in a Charleston Chew. Or maybe they wouldn't be at school at all. Perhaps they were dead from the poisoned candy apples. Thank Jehovah I wouldn't know that sort of pain. But no. Never did happen, not once in all the Halloweens I was protected from. No, they'd come to school with backpacks filled to the hilt with every sweet imaginable. My mouth is watering now just remembering it.

Sometimes someone would give me a piece. Plagued with guilt I'd partake. Each crunch and chew was a bite into Jehovah's heart, breaking over the fact I was enjoying something acquired on the most evil of holidays. This was surely a slippery slope. The Tootsie Roll had become my gateway drug.

I love Halloween. My birthday comes right before it, and Thanksgiving and Christmas come shortly thereafter. I wish it were eight days long like Hanukkah! I don't get into dressing up so much. And I will never touch another Ouija board, not after what happened many years ago (maybe the JWs were right about that one). But I love the candy. I love the witches, goblins, ghosts and ghouls. I love the Jack-o-lanterns. I love "Hocus Pocus" with Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker.

Its just a magical time of year.

Can you feel it?

Blasphemous Phrases

2009-10-26T13:24:00.001-04:00

Things I say, or have said, almost without thinking, that could possibly keep me from having pet tigers for all eternity:

Bless you.
Oh my heavenly days.
Gosh darnit.
Happy Birthday.
Happy [insert any "pagan" holiday here].
If I won the lottery I would...
My degree is in...
I pledge allegiance...or anything patriotic.
Great day in the morning.
I really want to see [any movie rated PG-13 and above]
Halloween is my favorite holiday, but Christmas and Thanksgiving are close seconds.
God forbid.
I'm going to heaven.

Dear Abby, JW Style

2009-10-23T14:33:00.000-04:00

A newly indoctrinated JW sent the following questions to someone in Scotland who can answer questions about God. Forget that whole "faithful and discreet slave" monkey business. She's got a direct line. After each question is her answer. I decided to take a stab at it, too. Why not? My answers are in bold and quotations.

HI Marcus, you asked--“WHAT IF WE ARE NOT BAPTISED IN TIME, AND THE TRIBULATION STRIKES?

No worries, Jehovah can look into a persons heart, he is a God of love and will judge fairly.

"If you buy Brenda's answer, I have some real estate to offload to you before Armageddon. By 'look into a person's heart' what the JWs mean is looking at a person's heart through the WBTS lens. Jehovah needs their glasses, you see."

"ISN'T THERE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF YEARS THAT HAS TO PASS BEFORE THE END OF THESE DAYS?"

Mmmm not sure what you mean here.

"I'm with Brenda on this one. My aposta-meter must be broken."

"IN YOUR HUMBLE OPINION DO YOU BELIEVE THIS WORLD NOW WILL MAKE IT PAST 2012?"

Things are so bad now that Armageddon could come any day, I wouldn’t be surprised if it came tomorrow, but it could also go on for a number of years yet.

"And I wouldn't be surprised if it was years and years and years and years and years and years and years from now. Be patient, but don't buy any green bananas, its just around the corner!"

"WILL WE STILL HAVE ELECTRONICS IN THE NEW SYSTEM? OR DO WE START FROM COMPLETE SCRATCH?"

Don’t know, bible doesn’t say, that’s one of the things we will just have to wait and see, the bible takes us up to Armageddon, and tells us a few things that will happen in the thousand year reign of Jesus Christ, anything else will be in the ”new scrolls” that will be opened in the new earth.

"Just in case, take a kite, a long piece of string, and a key with you through the great tribulation. In case anyone forgets who that apostate, sinning, satanic Benjamin Franklin was, you could remind them."

"HOUSES, IF EVERYTHING IS DESTROYED HOW WILL WE CLEAN EVERYTHING UP AND FIND A PLACE TO REST?"

Jehovah is almighty, you have no need to worry about these things, he will have a plan for all such matters. Look at how organised the assemblies are, thousands of us meet together and there is no litter, everyone is fed, everything is orderly, so that is how it will be in the new earth.

"You know, I'd at least store away some bathroom tissue. When my friends go clean a new house they're about to rent or buy, they always forget the bathroom tissue. Such a simple thing, yet so easy to forget."

"WHEN ARMAGEDDON ARRIVES, I UNDERSTAND ANIMALS WILL EAT THE CORPS BUT WON'T IT START SMELLING BAD EVERYWHERE?"

Jehovah will not allow stuff like that to happen, think- how did Noah get 2 of each animal into the ark, wild animals became tame obviously and just did as they were told by Noah, Jehovah performs miracles.

"Perfectly logical and legitimate question here. Makes perfect sense to ask that. File this under 'Jehovah will take care of that' which will henceforth be known as RULE 62."

"WON'T IT BE A LITTLE CREEPY WITH DEAD BODIES ALL OVER AND BIRDS EATING THEM UP?"

Jehovah will not allow it to go on and on and bodies lying decaying, it will happen quickly with Jehovah’s power.

"Just look at how quickly this so-called wicked world has ended. Well, going to end, I guess you can say. Well its quick to Jehovah. Thousand years ain't so bad."

"JEHOVAH HAS RESTORED PURE WORSHIP, WHAT EXACTLY IS "PURE WORSHIP" AND HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M DOING JUST THAT?"

Pure worship first came under attack in Eden when Satan successfully influenced Adam and Eve to disobey Jehovah. To this day, Satan has not given up his goal of turning as many as possible away from God.

Under the Messiah’s direction, the good news of the Kingdom has been carried to all the nations, as Jesus foretold. (Matthew 24:14, Mark 13:10) This good news has a powerful effect. “A great crowd, which no man [is] able to number, out of all nations” is submitting to the Messiah by joining the anointed remnant in pure worship. (Revelation 7:9)

Pure worship is serving Jehovah correctly, so that involves firstly 1. having a bible study with one of Jehovah’s Witnesses,2. then applying what you learn to your everyday life, attending meetings, going on field service,3. gradually making your life over to Jehovah’s standards and what he expects of his worshippers.

"Pure worship means doing everything the WBTS tells you to do. Remember, they've got a batphone installed in the Brooklyn headquarters with a direct line to the Big Guy upstairs. Its in the bible. Look it up."

"WILL WE BE PERFECT OR SIILL HAVE SLIGHT IMPERFECTIONS IN THE NEW SYSTEM?"

We will be perfect in mind and body, meaning- we will not get sick, grow old, or die.

"But we could still choose to do our own thing, which means we have imperfect minds, like Adam and Eve had. Remember, they were perfect, but they thought with their imperfect minds, making them imperfect and all their offspring imperfect. But one day, we'll all be perfect in mind and body. Unless our minds trick us into being imperfect. Make sense?"

WILL WE STILL HAVE IMPERFECTIONS LIKE "FALLING OVER A ROCK AND SCRAPING A KNEE" YOU KNOW, LIKE SLIGHT IMPERFECTIONS!

I really don’t know, what I do know is ,feeling pain of some kind is a protection, for instance, if we were peeling potatoes and didn’t feel the knife at all, we would cut our fingers off and not even notice, so pain of some kind is a protection.

"That's a beautiful analogy, Brenda. So all the pain I experienced as a result of growing up a JW was a protection? To answer the question, however, I believe that based on the WT illustrations, there will be far more lions and giraffes to look out for than rocks."

WILL WE BE ABLE TO HEAR JEHOVAH'S VOICE OR SEE JESUS IN THE NEW SYSTEM?

Adam heard Jehovah’s voice when he was perfect, so who knows, we cannot “see Jesus” though, because he is an invisible spirit being.

"I imagine that after a trillion or so years, Jesus may get bored and pop in for a visit. People heard God all the time in biblical times, so its a possibility."

WILL JEHOVAH BE MORE INTERACTIVE WITH US IN PARADISE AS HE WAS IN THE BIBLE TIMES?

I would imagine so, although ruling the earth has been give to Jesus and the 144,000 co rulers for a thousand years.

"God will be vacationing in Boca. Or what will then be known as New Order City."

WHY DID THE BIBLE END AT REVELATIONS, AND WHY DON'T WE HAVE PROPHETS TODAY?

The bible contains all we need to know for now, it tells us all about Jehovah’s purposes and even gives us a glimpse into the new earth, so rev. ended what we need to know.

There is a time for everything, there was a time for prophets and a time of judges and a time for miracles, now is not the time for prophets, Jesus was the last and greatest prophet of God. The bible is God’s message to mankind now.

"The bible ended at Revelation because people ran out of things to say and add to the bible. That's why we have Watchtower magazines as well as a bunch of literature. And Jesus was indeed the last prophet. The guy that wrote Revelation was just having some crazy dreams."

1914 JEHOVAH GAVE JESUS THE ABILITY TO RULE OVER THE MESSIAH KINGDOM, HOW DID WE GET SUCH AN ACCURATE DATE?

After his resurrection in 33 C.E., Jesus told his followers: “All authority has been given me in heaven and on the earth.” (Matthew 28:18) Jesus has long exercised such authority over his anointed servants on earth. (Colossians 1:13) However, the time had not yet come for Jesus to exercise authority as King of God’s Kingdom. Rather, after his ascension he ‘sat at God’s right hand in heaven’ until the time for the establishment of that Kingdom. (Psalm 110:1, 2; Acts 2:34, 35) That time came in 1914, “the time appointed.” (Daniel 11:29) In that year, Jesus was enthroned as reigning King of God’s Kingdom and immediately, as Michael the archangel, he cast Satan out of heaven. (Revelation 11:15; 12:5-9) So since 1914 Jesus has been “standing” as King.—Psalm 2:6.

There are many reasons why we know it was 1914, I will just explain one ok—

Jerusalem will be trampled on by the nations, until the appointed times of the nations are fulfilled.—Luke 21:24.

Jesus spoke of a time during which the leaders of the world would occupy centre stage without interference from God’s Kingdom. Jesus called that period “the appointed times of the nations.” At the end of those “appointed times,” God’s heavenly Kingdom would come to power.

“The appointed times of the nations” began with the destruction of Jerusalem in 607 B.C.E. and those “times” were 2,520 years in length, bringing us to 1914.

--> "Honestly, no witness can explain this without pulling out desk references, cheat sheets, or having on hand ten other witnesses to help explain it because their logic and reasoning is so convoluted. And if Jesus taught us anything, its to be convoluted and confusing with messages, right? Right."

All the best
Brenda XXXXXXX
(XXXXXXX,Scotland)

"All the best
Aposta-Precious JoeJaMax
(The ATL, Peach State)"

If God wrote me an email...

2009-10-23T12:08:00.000-04:00

Hey

I just wanted to drop a few lines and say hello. You may think this letter overdue, but hey, you know what they say... "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

First of all, this won't be a letter full of apologies, etc. Although there are a few things for which I'd like to make amends, I just want you to know how happy I am that you're moving along on this path-thing called life. I know it isn't always easy. Someday you'll look back on all of this and laugh. Really! You will. Trust me. Contrary to what some people may think, I really DO have a sense of humor. I know there are some really tragic things that happen in this world, but without giving too much away, suffice it to say that things aren't always what they seem.

Moving on.

Let me just get one apology out of the way first. You know by now that nothing happens by mistake, and that you're here on earth to learn a few things and then deliver a book report when you return but I just have to say I'm so sorry about that whole Jehovah's Witness thing. I mean, wow. I've got some pretty nutty followers, but they take the cake (not birthday cake, of course, Me forbid it be a birthday cake). I sat in a few of their "meetings" and I gotta tell ya, they were PAINFUL. No wonder you were bored. And their conventions? That's like going to the amusement park and the only ride operating is the log flume-- fun for a minute, but you're bored quickly and by the end have said "Well I'm not doing this again." That’s why I made purple cans of grape-flavored Shasta that they used to give away. You had to have something to look forward to during those long days. Then I heard about meetings once a year where someone provided the wine and a bunch of people showed up. Imagine how disappointed I was when I found out nobody could drink the wine!! If ever there was a group of people who just needed to knock back a couple and relax... Not to mention their version of the tortilla chip needed serious doctoring. And the going out door-to-door? Well if it was supposed to be like that, don't you think I would have gotten my followers a little more of a head start in the last 19 centuries or so? Just sayin'...

And the bit about not having an immortal soul? Where would I be without One?

As for when/if I'm coming back. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Some things just can't be explained or understood. At least not by your brain. It’s limited. Having the Watchtower Society corner the market on predictions about me and my plans would be as effective as your dog sitting at home predicting when you'll return from work and what you'll do with your evening. See how pointless that is? You just let me take care of what I need to take care of. And why on My green earth would I entrust a small group of elderly men to handle MY affairs? And from Brooklyn no less…

And I'm sorry about that whole "demon-possessed Smurfs jumping off the wallpaper incident." Like I care about the smurfs. I'm just sorry your toys were burned. You know, you may be able to find a replacement E.T. on Craigslist or something. Try eBay, if it still means that much to you. But really, it seems you recovered rather well from being a Witness.

This brings me to my next topic-- Satan. Let me just say that all of human history has not been some failed experiment or spitting contest with the neighborhood bully. Is there evil? You betcha. But if I'm supposed to be as all-knowing as people say I am, I'd have kicked his pointy tail a long time ago and just been done with the whole thing, assuming such a situation ever happened. Let's see if I understand this correctly, from the Witness perspective: I made Satan, Satan embarrassed me in front of everybody, now I owe an explanation to everybody (who, may I add, I made in the first place)... I'm supposed to simultaneously be feared by, and vindicated in front of, my own creation....

Now, as for me being wrathful and vengeful and mean and all that: You know, I've gone over this and over this and over this with people, but they just don't seem to get it: I am Love. Enough said. Earthlings have yet to definitively say what happens after their mortal death and they have yet to understand fully what love really is.

Whew! Got up on my proverbial soapbox for a second! I'm starting to sound all preachy.

I realize you may hold some resentment about the things that happened while you were involved with the Witnesses. Try and work through that as best you can and realize that your parents meant well-- they were younger than you are now and were just trying to put it all together with the tools they had available. Plus, they came of age during the sixties and seventies. That alone should warrant some compassion on your part.

And this warped sense of humor I gave you? May it serve you well. Many of your problems have arisen out of the repression of this incredibly sick, yet at the same time healing, wicked sense of humor I gave you. Yes, I gave you. So use it.

And I'm glad we can again have a relationship. I've missed you. You have some friends and family here who miss you, too. And they'll be waiting to see you when it’s your time. And by "your time" I mean when I come back at Armageddon and topple a skyscraper on top of you while you fall into a chasm in the earth with your hands in some weird, angry, cat-like pose like is often depicted in the Watchtower magazine.

Gotcha!

Be well, call me any time.

Much Love,

God

Working at a university = "Pre-purchase your ticket to Gehenna today!"

2009-10-22T15:08:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am, working for the University. This is the same university from which I matriculated with a Master's degree in School Counseling. Not only did I shun the Truth, but I failed to “Quit being fashioned after this system of things"--TWICE, what with two college degrees. And wouldn't you know, now I'm here promoting higher education. Its my job to speak to prospective students and inform them as much as I can so that they can decide which program to apply to in our department. In short, I'm "stumbling" my potential brothers and sisters. Its an okay gig. Certainly not hard work. I'm not exactly living high off the hog while I wait on “the kings of the entire inhabited earth” [to] form a united front at “the war of the great day of God the Almighty.” I've had to cut Nutella of the grocery list.

The best part about this job is that its pretty relaxed. I have enough down-time to research the past of the WBTS online. And I have an incredible view from my office window. I can see CNN just down the street from my desk, which, if I'm not too bold to say so, is for all intents and purposes the voice of the seven-headed beast upon which rides the [bad lady] of Babylon.

Before Satan's internet, there was television

2009-10-21T13:05:00.000-04:00

Most shows that were worth watching when I was growing up were off-limits due to their blatant immorality, love of this wicked system of things, and distaste for all things Godly.

For instance, I loved the show "Three's Company" but mom quickly put an end to that saying simply "That show is immoral."

Grandma wouldn't let me watch Sesame Street at her house (too worldly) but Mr. Rogers was okay.

The Waltons were a family favorite and could be watched any time it was on-- excluding the holiday special, of course, when I could only imagine John Boy, Grandpa, and the rest of the gang being destroyed at Armageddon, in which case I wanted John Boy's car and Ike Godsey's store.

The Smurfs were iffy. "Yes, they could be possessed by demons. No, they couldn't. Well, perhaps they could. Well, anyway, you can watch it but when it comes to showing Gargamel practicing demon worship with his magic, you have to change the channel."

The Gummi Bears had my parents in a bit of a quandary.

"You Can't Do That On Television" annoyed my father to the point of near insanity. If he caught us watching it, t.v. was gone for the rest of the day, if not the next. Watching old episodes on Youtube today, I understand why.

G.I. Joe was not okay, but mom tolerated it because it kept me occupied in the morning while she got ready for work.

One time I snuck into another room and watched "Children of the Corn." I thought mom was going to have an aneurysm.

MTV. Well, let's just say my sister was the only one bold enough to go there and she moved out when she was 15. There was the time I showed my JW grandmother the music video of Karma Chamelion with Boy George. When she found out it was a dude wearing all that makeup, the color just drained from her face. A sign of the end of this wicked system, I guess.

Movies were alright, but only G-rated ones of course. My dad once took me and my brother to see "The Boy Who Could Fly" at the theater. I wonder what the elders would've thought about that. Unless you're flying around the world to bury the dead after Armageddon, my guess is flying with supernatural powers is a big No-No.

The evening news was a good thing. Why? Well, listening to Dan Rather and Peter Jennings report on the fulfillment of biblical prophecy was exciting. It meant our deliverance was nigh.

Then there were nature programs on PBS. The entire family would sit down with a bowl of popcorn, cookie sheet of nachos or no-bake cookies while we watched lions rip the guts out of gazelles. Participation was mandatory. We were, however, assured that lions would be tame in the New System.

Can't leave out the home movies. Dad bought a video camera around 1982. It was a huge contraption connected to TWO VCR-sized units that you had to carry in a metal holder, while schlepping the camera on your shoulder. Some evenings, mom and dad would invite other witnesses over and we'd put on "skits" then replay them. Basically, the camera was a diversion. But we loved it as kids and it made a great babysitter. Mom and dad weren't too happy when they found a tape I made holding my baby sister saying "Lesli, we're in heaven. We're in heaven, Lesli..." The hazy effect of being in the clouds was achieved by smearing vaseline on the lens.

Oh to be a JW youth. I wonder what the youth of today are allowed to watch, what with television being a million times more immoral than when I was little.

I'm happy to be free today. I can watch whatever I want, when I want. I can DVR everything from Paula Deen's holiday special to the Holy Rosary with Mother Angelica, which, ironically is a wonderful sleep aid.

I wonder if mom's real reason for hating Three's Company is because it started out with "Come and knock on our door...."

Smurfs, E.T. and Wallpaper, Oh My

2009-10-21T11:46:00.000-04:00

Picture it: Alabama, the early eighties.

A young JW child (author of this blog) goes to the bible study on Tuesday evening, per usual, with his family. The highlight of going to the bible study is playing with his best friend afterwards and eating so many crabapples from the tree out front that he gets a stomachache. The world is innocent and full of life and wonder. But on this particular evening, the air is heavy with something-- anxiety? worry? impending doom?...

The children are excused to play while the adults are cloistered in a room together, speaking in hushed tones. Something's up.

The ride home is quiet. Mom and dad are worried about something. Not so unusual-- they often worried about a lot of things, not the least of which was the fact that Armageddon could come along at any moment and wipe us all out if we weren't the good JWs we should be. But tonight was different. Whatever they talked about with the other adults is weighing heavily on them.

When we get home, we have a "family conference." These, too, are commonplace. The kids are sat down in the living room, ages 2, 7 and 12, and are subjected to at least two hours of JW indoctrination regarding such topics as "worldly children" we shouldn't associate with or "smearing Jehovah's name" at the Kingdom Hall (code for "the next time you knock down an entire row of seats in front of the elders or dare another child to partake of the emblems, you won't be able to sit down for a week..."). This night's meeting, though, was short.

Mom and dad solemnly tell us about a little girl, not unlike us, whose JW parents put up smurf wallpaper in her bedroom. At some point during the night, Satan and/or his demons possessed the smurfs on the wallpaper, jumped off the wall, and started playing her. Her parents were naturally horrified upon discovering this and promptly tore the wallpaper off the walls.

Tonight E.T. would burn alongside a smurf comforter and smurf curtains. Armageddon had arrived, if only for a child's toys and room furnishings.